Transman Phalloplasty Experience:

I am from India, and I went all alone to Belgrade, Serbia to do my MLD phalloplasty with Dr Rados Djinovic I have not done the usual procedure that they do. I have skipped the phase 2 phalloplasty. Mine was is a combination of Phalloplasty and Metidioplasty. So I have a 5.5″ phallus with my clitorios below it, through which I pee. Also I have testicular implants. I had my surgery on March 2014 and I went for my next correction stage in March 2017. I have not gone for Erectile Device.

My story:

To get my surgery date and have everything ready for me it took 1 year. I was exercising regularly, eating healthy, meditating, taking massages and investing time for thinking positive outcomes. I prepared myself for 1 year before the surgery. I diligently followed everything my Doctor told me to do.

So my journey started with the unknown knowing not much about what was there for me. All the research I did was over the net and I didn’t know a single physical person who has gone through this before me. From India, I was the first one to go for this procedure. And this was my first trip to abroad. I was completely on my own for my dream journey. One side I was excited that my dream was about to come true, but again chills of fear was running down my nerves as I knew not what was stored for me next moment. Whomever I consulted in India (people whom I knew) has travelled to other countries except Serbia. Many said, it’s a country of wars, so it might not be a safe journey for me. I had no clue to what I was upto, but it was do or die for me.

As I boarded my flight, I closed my eyes and started to meditate. It felt as if I was pulled by a divine hands, something was guiding me … I felt assured, that I was moving to the right direction. I was feeling that life is going to change drastically for me.

Landing in Belgrade, Nichola Tesla Airport, I got off the airport. Looking around with being curious I saw my name on a board, an old man was holding it. Dr Rados had sent a car for my pick up. He was a kind man and helped me with my luggage to his car. I felt safe and warm in his presence. It was early morning and raining heavily. He dropped me to N Hotel where I had done online booking earlier. The hotel manager was a warm person, he greeted me well and I went to my room. Pangs of hunger struck my stomach, thanks to my Biscuits and soup stock. I had my bath and changed my clothes to go to the hospital to visit my Doctor.
Woooooo!! I was in a differently world, a different reality. Everything was new, maybe a little part inside me was known to me. I walked to my Hospital – Medicinski Sistem Beograd MSB, it was about half a Kilometre from my hotel. As I opened the door a beautiful woman, the receptionist greeted me with a big smile. She welcomed me and said we are going to do your tests today. And the procedure began.

My operation was day after, so I had my time to roam around this place. I started exploring this place. I saw trumps and busses, soon I enquired how to get the tickets. There were kiosks that can be found easily around the roads every few meters. The travel tickets can be purchased there. I also exchanged my Euros to get Serbian Dinars. Then I grabbed a Burek (mushroom) and Yoghurt, a very popular breakfast for the Serbs. Many Serbian can’t speak English, but many can. So to many of them I was doing my best gestures and they were trying their level best to help me. I found them extremely warm hearted people I had ever meet in my life. Soon I developed a close relationship with the place. Belgrade was beautiful, it was a feast for my eyes. And people in Belgrade looked like I was walking among Hollywood stars, they were so beautiful people, both inside and out.

For the next two days I was exploring the place, finding out things that I need. Most important was the Maxi and the Chemist shop. Everything was close to my place. Finding vegetarian food was difficult. I also picked up some toys , chocolate, some cool stuffs for my nephew, sister, mom and friends in India. So I did some shopping in advance as I was not sure what state I would be in after surgery. Occasionally I would sit and the thought of my surgery would bring some movements in my stomach, then I would do a little self-talking to comfort myself.

Today was my admission to MSB and my surgery was next early morning, 6th March 2014. I went to the hospital and they admitted me. All the happy and beautiful nurses greeted me, it felt very refreshing. I was supposed to wear just their green gown. They started the saline drip and stopped my food. They made me drink some medicine to clear my system, whole night I was on the pot! Whole night I couldn’t sleep, at around 4 O clock in the morning, an energetic nurse came and woke me with a friendly pat. She started shaving my bottom. Then she told me to take a shower and clean myself. In the warm shower, I cried and cried … I released all my fears in the water. I came fresh, ready for my “bungee jump”, sat at my bed. A angel like doctor came and took me with lot of warmth to the operation theatre. There were 8-10 people in the Operation theatre. I was looking for Dr Rados, he came and gave a wide grin to me and greeted me warmly. His gestures made be feel that everything would be fine. They made me sit on the operation table and removed my green robe. So I was sitting naked on the table, feeling cold and shivering, very helpless. One Doctor noticed it and immediately came and covered me. The next thing was I was on the table, they started tying my hands and gave an injection to my hand. I had a feeling of slipping away from my consciousness to some darkness, I was out!

I woke up seeing the face of the smiling nurses. They all were saying that everything went very well, Dr Rados immediately came to see me and said loudly “My friend, the operation went great, everything is fine”. I had no awareness of my body, no pain and no feeling. With some difficulty I moved towards my phone and took a picture of mine. My face was all swollen, I took one picture and messaged my family and friends. They give me sips of water and nothing more. I started playing with my phone, my favourite time pass. After about 4-6 hours I started feeling some discomfort and pain. The nurse immediately came and stuck me a pain killer at my bum. Ouch! it really hurted, drop of a tear rolled down my cheek. I was missing my people!

I learned later that the operation took 12 hours time and 18 Doctors with 3 teams operated on me. They didn’t give me any food, but just sips of water for the next 2-3 days. Pain was coming and going, but I was able to bear it with the pain killers. To my surprise they made me stand and walk on the 3rd day of my surgery, I could walk fine with a little support. My stay in hospital was very good, they took very good care of me. The nurses became very good friends, I would sing to them hindi songs and they would laugh at me. I learned many things about their culture and exchanged somewhat I knew about mine. I stayed in the hospital for 14 days and then they asked me to leave and go to my hotel.

My challenge started as I left the hospital with my bag. Taking each step was a challenge. I went back to N Hotel which was close to MSB, the driver was very kind to understand my situation and lifter my back to the hotel. But I had made my mind very strong, and I said to myself that I have to do it all by my own. So I started washing my clothes, going out to look for my food (I had to go around as I am a vegetarian) and walking to the hospital. I used to walk 2-4 kms everyday (my doctor had advised me to do so).

The first day walking to hospital was a challenge. It was just 400 mts walk, but I did it bit by bit, so it took me more than an hour to reach hospital. I was walking like a cowboy, smiling with pain and feeling funny at myself. Everyone passing by was giving me a look, I don’t know what they thought. But for me reaching the hospital that day was worth winning a Olympic run!

This walk gave me good confidence and I started spending my days hanging on mostly outside. I would carry my pain killers always. Go to hospital for dressing everyday and then sit in a church, or a park or caffee shop. Whenever I would be tired, I would sit and rest. People around were very helpful. So until evening I would be outside, then evening I spent by reading books or seeing movies on my phone. Some days were hard, some days were a little easy. I also visited Kalemegdan, Church of saint Sava and walked at the side of the river Danube, it was beautiful. I had challenged myself to use public transport, so I was among other people, I felt connected and never felt lonely.

After 2 weeks of my surgery they had removed the catheter. I stayed in Belgrade for a month. My back stich was cut on the last day, it was a bit painful. Now it was time for me to return back. At Nichola Tesla Airport I had my wheelchair booked. The people were very helpful and I boarded the flight to Abu Dabi, I had little discomfort to sit but I managed. At Abu Dabi again my wheel chair was waiting and they shifted me to the flight going to India. In that flight I got many empty seats to lay down, so that was great. My friend was waiting for me at Mumbai Airport. It was a great relief to see him. We drove to Pune almost easily and I stayed with him for a day before I returned to my home.

Back home my Mother was there to take care. It was such a relief to reach home, but India was now very hot for me, as the whether I came from was very cold. I rested at home for the next 2 months, taking good food and maintaining my healthy habits. I could join office on after 3 months. Everything was healed in 6 months time.

I first jerked off after two months of my surgery, and I said to myself – “ïts the best thing that I have ever done in my life”. LOL Yes, it was a life changing experience and I am very grateful to God that he helped me to succeed.
Cost of 1st stage: 22342 euros
Cost of 2nd stage: 2628 euros
Accommodation in Belgrade: Min 25 – 30 euros/day
Food in Belgrade: Min 8 – 16 euros/ day
I rented an apartment and cooked my own food. I traveled by public transport.

Q: When was your stage 1 surgery?
A: My stage one surgery was in March 2014. The surgery consisted of the following procedures: 1) vaginectomy + 2) trans-vaginal hysterectomy + 3) oophorectomy + 4) urethral advancement attaching to the neophallus + 5) development of my new phallus from the donar skin of my back. So I was almost done with my surgery in stage one, I planned it like this to skip 2nd stage.

Q: When was your stage 2 surgery?
A: My stage two surgery was in March 2017. The surgery consisted of the following : Glanoplasty, scrotoplasty, including testicular implants, correction of my back (doner site), correction of fistula in my urethra.

Q: When are you planning for 3rd stage?
I am not sure about the Erectile Device yet. Still researching.

Q: Are you satisfied with the surgery?
I would say I am 70% satisfied. The positive side is that aesthetics wise it looks very good, I didn’t go though any complication, the treatment was very good, I took less time to recover, my confidence boosted. Sexual satisfaction has after surgery.
The negative side is I don’t have sensation on the tip of my phallus. My pee sometimes falls straight down and I wet my pants.

Q: Are you able to STP (Stand to pee)?
Yes I can.

Q: How much was your recovery time?
I took 3 months to join my office after surgery. I was completely healed in 6 months (all the stiches were out).

Q: How did you decide for this surgery?
I did a lot of research before I went there. I listed my priorities, my first priority was penetrative sex so I wanted a good size, second priority was good sensation, 3rd was stp, 4th I wanted to complete my surgery in 1 stage, 5th I had a budget to fit in. I could find all my priority matching with a world leading surgeon Dr. Rados, so I took a call on it.
I like the one time procedure of creating phallus. So I wanted to have it all in 1 stage. (I don’t have patience, time and money for so many stages). I read on the net that one guy has gone through my procedure, it clicked me.

Q: Can you have penetrative sex?
I didn’t have my partner yet, moreover I don’t have ED. But I tried wearing a penis sleeve or bunch of condoms to make it hard, I think it was hard enough for penetration (don’t have real experience here). But I can go solo and jerk off well, its a awesome feeling.

Q: Is there any fluid that comes when you cum?

Q: Would you advice this procedure to anyone?
My answer would be if you are really desperate like me than go for it, my genuine suggestion is go for metidioplasty rather than phalloplasty. There is no fear of death or anything, but its a major surgery and you need lot of confidence to go though such long procedure. Make sure you are backed up with good care and good bank balance. You may have to visit the doctor many times in case of complications.

Q: Did you face any complications?
I was blessed not to face any major complication, I just developed a fistula in my urethra which got cleared in second stage. But few of my other friends do have complications with urethra especially. These complications are not life threatening, but you got to have a lot of patience to go for multiple corrections.
I would say all our bodies are different and we heal differently too. So we can never say because it has worked for someone else, it will work for me.

Q: What to do to avoid infection after surgery?
A: Listen to your doctor properly, follow him religiously. As him loads of questions as you meet. Take shower everyday and clean yourself properly. Use fresh clothes and bedsheet. Eat healthy, walk (be active) and think positive.

Q: Is it expensive to use Indian mobile number there or should I pick up a local sim there?
A: You can use India number with WhatsApp. U get wifi almost everywhere.

Q: After surgery when do we regain consciousness to be in touch with family?
A: It took about 12 hours for surgery, after 2 hours I came back to my senses. So total 14 hours I was in anaesthesia. I gave my family the hospital number, so they got the news though that. I spoke to my family after I was awake.

Q: Where did you keep your luggage and personal docs when you were in hospital?
A: The hospital takes care of the luggage

Q: Will they pick you up from the airport?
A: Yes they do.

Q: Do I need to book a hotel if I go early?
A: Yes

Q: Do we need Visa for Serbia from India?
A: No

Best Doctor with an expert team
Very good aesthetically
Erotic feeling at the base of my phallus.
Erotic feeling in my neophallus
I can stand and pee
Value for money

Very expensive
Sensation wise I had more expectation
While STP the pee sometimes falls down
My back has a big scar
Big process

Preparing for phallo
I had researched thoroughly and fixed my mind to my priorities. Once I made a decision, I followed with it with full faith.
I was exercising regularly, eating healthy, meditating, taking massages and investing time for thinking positive outcomes. I prepared myself for 1 year before the surgery. I diligently followed everything my Doctor told me to do.

Important Things that I carried
Sets of cotton underwear (little bigger than your original size as your size will increase).
Donut cushion (was very helpful to sit while traveling back after surgery)
Instant soup, tea, coffee, noodles packs and biscuits (for emergency hunger)
An umbrella (you never know when it rains there).
They have two pin sockets, so you may want to take a travel adapter (for me my Samsung adapter fitted well)
Good body lotion (it’s very dry there)
Extra bedsheets (after surgery when you come back to hotel, you bleed during night). So have extra sheets and clothes.
Take open buttoned shirts, it’s difficult to wear T shirts after surgery
Take baggy pants, make sure you have enough room for your junk to hang
Wear light comfortable footwear, you will have to walk a lot after surgery.
And if you are vegetarian, it’s hard to find food. Better carry food and cook it.
Book wheelchair with your tickets while coming

Some tips:
After 11 days you will walk.. you would be sent to hotel. Book service apartments if you want to cook. Or N Hotel is the closest hotel, reasonably cheap and okay.
After you are out of the hospital, the first problem will be with the junk. Its hard to hang it and you can’t hook it anywhere. So I used to take bandage and tie across my waist. I used to then prepare a cradle and put it softly on it (make sure you don’t tie it tight), so that I can walk. This trick really worked for me.
Keep the bottom as open as possible for faster healing process. I used to be in sunlight exposing it.
Eat healthy after you are out, very important for recovery. I used loads of fruits, yoghurt, dry fruits etc. You get Maxi’s easily around you.
I used to walk 2-3 Kms everyday, I think it added to heal me fast. (Walk slowly and take lots of breaks)

For further questions you may email to

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We create our own reality

We are what our Ego has created us to be. Ego is driven by emotions, so our emotions creates our core. Pure emotions will create a pure core. Ego gives the soul a separate identity on this earth plane to be a unique creator, which leaves choices for endless creation. So Ego has a positive side to be. Now behind the Ego core, is the source or what we understand by the term “All that is”. Inner search is all about the meeting of this core with the source, as we are a part of this source.


We create our own reality, what we want to create outside is what we are at our core. We change inside and the outer projection is changed accordingly. So when the core operates with the source, our creations are beautiful on the other hand if the core is acting without getting in touch with the source, our creations are ugly.


We create our own reality


Is this statement true from all sides? What if we are trying to create a beautiful garden with another person? Will not the freewill of the other person matter in our creation? Are there other things affecting our creativity that can stop or distort our creation? What is the main factor in creating our own reality the way we want it?


The answer is – Intention behind the creation.


It will matter if the intention is coming from the Ego core or the source. If creating this garden is drawing good vibrations on earth that supports the source, then we can just believe strongly in creating this reality and this will happen.


On the other hand, if the intention of creating this garden is coming from the Ego core, for example we are trying to create this garden to prove that we can create beautiful gardens, then this will not be supporting the source and hence it won’t be created. So in place of the original creation that we have desired, the “beautiful garden”, we will be unconsciously creating some ugliness.


Therefore, We create our own reality – Beautiful or Ugly will be decided by our intentions.

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Grounding is important

I am observing a frustration, impatience and fire in me, when I am trying to solve earth’s problem and grounding myself. It’s easy to sit and meditate for hours for healing, rather than this painful process. The process seems painful as “unnecessary” things are happening. When things are clearly stated and are in front of us, why can’t we take the leap? It pains really bad to be in pain –  “without reason”.


I am required to rest, be calm and at the same time be in this “game”. Being in this game can only ground me, and grounding is a hard process for me. All my life I have been running away from this earthly games, thinking that they are useless to solve, why not go and sit calmly somewhere else. But only going through this “game” I will be able to dive into the finer aspects of earth’s reality.


My higher chakras are beautifully evolved, but they need to come down in my body and feed my lower chakras. This means, I need to face all situations on earth plane and solve them from my higher self, without getting impatient, frustrated and setting myself on fire. Now how do I do this?


Meditation – Grounding – Meditation – Grounding – Meditation


Not working? Ok …. So do …


More Meditation – Grounding – More Meditation – Grounding – More Meditation


Still not working?? Ok .. so ….


Moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Meditation – Grounding  – Moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Meditation – Grounding – Moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Meditation



Hmmm, now this looks like a new approach. Let me try this.


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The Leap

For many lightworkers who are evolving at this crucial time on earth’s plane, the following statement seems to be relevant – “I know where is God’s abode, but I choose to roam around”. All kinds of tools, support and wisdom are with them to make the leap. It’s just the matter of time when they will make the leap. Many might stay back and sit with their wisdom. This wisdom is of no use without the leap. It’s just the fear grip which is holding back.  


Now there is no further tool or wisdom or support to dissolve this fear grip. It’s a choice, its freewill.

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Body and Habits

When we stop doing something suddenly, that our heart is not supporting anymore, our body reacts. For example we stop smoking or we withdraw from a situation that is not supporting us anymore or give up certain habits etc. The body opposes, and forces us to get back to the same old routine. The body does not like changes, it always wants something old and familiar to hang on to, to feel comfortable and be at ease. But this is not as it should be. From ages we have been slaves to our body, the body drives us, rather than we driving it.

So like a noisy child, it will create all kinds of disharmony to fulfill its agreement. It will twist, turn, create irritation, anxiety, pain etc. The best way to go about it is just be a witness to what the body is doing at that time. Just let it do what it wants to, but be aware of it. Know where the dis-ease is coming from and acknowledge it. Don’t do anything about it, just watch! This might take few days, but a remarkable change will happen. The real issue can get completely eluded from the core making you free. Try it!!

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Inner search is all about Freedom

To find our inner selves we require help, help of a Friend around. To find the unknown, we require some support to depend on who can show us the way. That’s why we are on this earth plane to experience and learn, Earth is the greatest school. After we have gained the knowledge we were looking for, at some point of time it is important to let go of the Friend and not depend on him. Because inner search is all about freedom. Many times it happens that we stick to that Friend and our inner search is obstructed. But the right Friend will always show the way to leave after the knowledge is transferred; he will not make us depend on him. The right Friend will always make us more independent and free, but not dependent.


We have to be really be very selfish in finding ourselves out, or how will we understand how we are actually connected with people and everything around? This selfish word might seem to be so ugly initially, but it will be turned to Bliss later on. The reason is, if we know ourselves, we will know everyone and everything around us the way they are. Only this is true knowing. So this selfishness comes from the Highest purpose.


This Friend will come to us in many forms, in forms of our pals, colleagues, spouse, parents and other people around. Everyone around us is our Master. They are teaching us always. Some will teach us great lessons, some might teach us small lessons. A friend that will teach us the most, we might fall in love with that person, it’s obvious! Here comes our relationships. In our inner search, it might happen that the connection that we thought is Love, later turned out to be Ego. It has to be understood that we learn from our experiences. So at one point of time the illusion of Love with Ego was important. Behind this illusion is the path to light.


Now its upto to us to decide how long will we hold on to the path and not move towards the light. Is the Path important for us or the Light, the choice is ours.

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Male and Female

What is it to be a Male? What is it to be a Female? Do we really understand these tags we fall in or our biological body is enough to define them?

Male and Female are two energies we all are made up of, be it biological male or female. Balancing of these two energies inside us leads to inner beauty. Then our outer expression can choose what kind of dance it wants to get into in this worldly celebration – Male or Female or Both. Biological genders assigned to us have nothing to do with these expressions.

Female energy is all about the love, patience, understanding and the beauty in us. Male energy is the creative energy. It is the focus through which creation transpires. 

The Male energy shapes the Female energy, it gives focus to the Female energy and protects it. Female energy needs the Male energy to manifest.

The Female energy is the beauty that guides the Male energy in its creation and manifestation. For example, let us assume that a Soul wants to create a beautiful garden. The creation part is the work of Male energy but only the Female energy can make it beautiful. The essence of the garden lies in the Female energy, where as the Garden is structured by the Male energy. So the absence of Female energy, will lead to the creation of a formless garden. And the absence of the Male energy will only have the thought/dream of a beautiful garden, but it will never be created on the physical plane. The Male energy grounds the female energy.

In our soul approach, Male and Female energies can be defined as follows:  

Male energy: What we do?

Female energy: How we do?

For example, the strength in Iron is a Masculine energy, but for Iron to be useful it has to be bended to some shape. For the bending, it has to be soft, this is a feminine energy.

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